One of my previous functions was partnering with leaders managing over 3,000 employees across 23 States in the lower 48 on employee relations issues. With a territory that large, the juicy stories are an overabundance like grapes during wine harvest (I love wine). Relevant to Facebook (“FB”), I would receive calls all of the time about XYZ calling out sick yet their FB page showed them partying at the beach all day. Every manager has received the call “*cough*…I’m sick… I can’t come in to work…” We all deal with the extravaganza that is social media. So what do you do when you are friends with your employees on FB and you see them being a bit wild on the weekend? Does it really matter that you saw such things? When does it become a problem in the workplace? Let’s explore this together…

My philosophy on social media.

My philosophy of social transparency evolves from a former boss (GenX) that asked to be my friend on FB. He appreciates being connected with coworkers as it allows him to know his people on a deeper level. He also set the expectation that what happened outside of work is completely separate from the day-to-day in the office. Yes, we interacted online, but at the end of the day, he was my boss and I was his direct report. I have been lucky to have many bosses who have supported this line of thinking.

I carefully choose who I connect with, but I don’t believe in keeping personal life and work totally separate. Am I going to be friends on FB with the office tattle-tale or gossip queen? No! But I do believe connecting with people on social media outlets helps to create a more transparent relationship to the employees I support. My mentor loves bringing this up with me because he (as a professor) is very adamant that he will not be FB friends with a student until they have graduated. It’s his social code that he sticks to no matter what. Other Generation X or Millennial friends of mine don’t even have FB. I however, love the social transparency.

While defining my personal brand (ongoing journey, btw – see future blog post about this), I made a choice that social transparency allows people to see “Doug” beyond the four walls of my workplace. I want people to relate to me, and I am ok with the people I work with knowing more about me. And… it’s a matter of communicating expectation.

With a “friendship” connection, there is a communicated mutual understanding that FB is personal. And they are welcome to step in to that realm of my life, but it cannot filter negatively in to the workplace. I say this with the caveat that this personal philosophy of being socially transparent has most definitely evolved over the past several years. It hasn’t come without hardship. Lessons of posting on FB on my own personal time and being reprimanded at work in an unbelievable fashion (no company policies broken in any way). Ask for more details if you’d like offline. Because of this lesson though, I questioned for a long time whether I would delete all my coworkers and keep my personal life completely separate. Maybe I am just that stubborn or I really want to prove a point that it can be done…so I didn’t delete my coworkers. I stuck to what I felt was right – to continue being myself in a transparent way.

Twerk It.

I will happily be the example of social transparency – take twerking for example. I am not very good at twerking but in times of celebration, I do it anyway.

(Caption: No, that’s not my underwear showing, they are my man Spanx. Yes, men wear Spanx, too! The identity of my friend shall remain protected.)

A lot of people may raise concern with a picture of this nature seen on my FB page. They may be concerned about my level of professionalism or not representing myself in an appropriate way even though it’s on my own time. The answer: If you don’t like seeing it, “unfriend” me. At the end of the day, we are coworkers and social transparency isn’t necessary for us to work well together. No hard feelings.

If only “unfriending” was so easy, right? People ask, “why?” Or maybe they triangulate to avoid confrontation. People’s feelings become hurt when there is a perceived negative change to their social construct (I should go for my PhD and write my dissertation on this). Furthermore, the lines of work and personal life begin to cross as conflict arises. It takes practice, but respectful communication about such topics like “unfriending” can occur without such demise to working relationships.

And, I can still perform when I get to the office on Monday. Would you not hire me as a result of googling my name, searching my profile and finding that picture? I feel sorry for your hiring decisions if so. You’d be missing out! Can you judge my work performance based on that picture in any way? You could probably assume, but we all know what people say about assuming… “It makes an a…” yeah, you get it.

As the picture above indicates, I like to have fun. And I’m alright with people I work with having exposure to it! I am true to form. I make my coworkers hysterical by quizzing them on stupid movie quotes, singing obnoxiously, and saying random things that have them questioning my sanity at times! With my close friends I have an extremely “liberal” sense of humor that would make most HR people’s back hair rise to a repulsing frenzy inside the workplace.

Other people may make posts with funny faces, booty shakes, politics, religion, or marriage equality. All of those things could be perceived as misrepresenting a company based on organizational values, or even misrepresenting one’s personal brand. But why would you allow those personal posts to interfere with work? They have no place there. No laws or workplace confidentiality broken, defamatory actions, or discrimination here people! When I am on my own time, I represent myself according to my personal brand. And if twerking happens to be an implied part of that brand, then I will gladly be a keynote speaker at the next SHRM conference entering the stage twerking upside-down. I bet you $100 I would get a standing ovation, and not a reprimand. Gosh that would be my dream come true!! Speaking of SHRM – try watching hundreds of HR professionals throw their bras on stage during the 80’s cover band performance and not placing judgment on that. It happens! Yes, HR people are probably the dirtiest of them all! We put on our “pc” hats at work, but watch out at 5pm!

Your argument.

What if you fire someone you are friend’s with on FB? — First off…HR doesn’t fire. We consult managers and set them up for success to fire their own employees. You’d actually be surprised by how many of you out there still have your jobs because we (as your beloved HR people) steer your manager in a different direction to support your development and success. — Well, terminating someone’s employment may make it a bit harder personally because I am socially connected to them. You have to be self-aware and recognize that feeling. It then becomes a matter of objectivity and separating what happens inside and outside of work. Am I getting drunk with the person on Sunday and then firing them on Monday? Heck no. There are boundaries, and each person sets their own. As HR professionals we pride ourselves on being objective. So why don’t we allow ourselves the same right to interact socially as everyone else (unless your fraternization policy forbids it…so stupid in my opinion)?

“As an employee of our company, you represent our brand. As a professional, you represent yourself.”

We have all heard it! When I am at work, in my company gear, at a company event, or on company time, I represent my company. When I am at Voicebox Karaoke at 11pm on a weekend night, I am not representing my company. That picture does not speak negatively to my judgment, character, and ability to perform, or ability to represent my company. And if you don’t like seeing it, I promise that I won’t be offended if you unfriend me.

Your take-away.

So, what do you do when someone is having performance, conduct, or attendance issues at work and your connection on FB lends to maybe why they are having those issues? Focus on the work issue. Don’t filter what you know outside of the workplace, in. Be objective in that regard. It’s your job! Coach and mentor your line managers to do the same. I don’t care that they may be out until 2:00am getting wild with their friends as long as they are at work on time, perform well, and are engaged.

As professionals, you have to make a choice that makes the most sense for you…Do you want to open the door to knowing more about your people on a socially transparent level and them knowing more about you? I choose to and thrive in that space. Define what social transparency means to you! Set boundaries. Don’t limit others by your own personal views. Don’t triangulate. Stop making policies about how people act outside of work. Maybe, just maybe…try standing upside-down and twerk.

An old colleague of mine recently posted about having received some feedback from leadership at her place of work on her “professional appearance.” Before clarifying, I assumed that she was talking about her physical appearance in the workplace, only to be kindly redirected and to learn her leadership was referring to her confidence in what she does. So while my ego was slightly bruised after having raised my pedestal as high as it can go to get a message across about physical appearance in the workplace that didn’t even relate to her post, I am very happy her organization looks past her quirky sense of style as that is what makes her beautiful!

With that though, it lit a fire about how we physically show up as HR professionals to work every day. Most places of work have a dress code. And dress codes are usually written to provide employees with some level of professional guidance about what the expectations are when getting ready for work in the morning. So why is it (generally and from personal experience) that we as HR professionals are told to dress one step further. “We have to set the professional example,” I’ve been told on numerous occasions as this topic comes up often among varying generations in the workplace. Or, “that’s just the way it is.” WHY? Why does that have to be the way it is? And this doesn’t just go for HR professionals. Why do (some) executives feel they have to dress above the code as well? Maybe that is what some people are most comfortable in, and I respect that. I however, don’t feel comfortable in slacks and a button-down 5 days per week and if our policy allows for something more casual, I will gladly take advantage of it so that I can feel more comfortable throughout my day.

Several years ago, someone sat me down to tell me there were concerns circulating about my physical appearance. My clothing was too “colorful” or tight, and my hair was, well, anything but conservative – yet still, it was professional for the workplace. I had expressed interest in growing with the organization but was told my physical appearance would probably not allow me to grow in the way I wanted to grow.

“Look in the mirror before you leave for work in the morning. Ask yourself if you look like person XYZ that has the job you want. If the answer is no, maybe rethink what you are wearing.” – Person to remain nameless

Not only was I angry, I was flabbergasted that someone would actually come to me with this as a concern. I was so caught off guard. I dressed within policy and the concern had no relation to my performance. It was a major stuck point for me. Do I conform, or do I stick to my beliefs and work hard and persevere through it? Well, I don’t always choose the easy path (and I am extremely stubborn, and when someone tells me I can’t do something, I work that much harder to succeed), so I chose to stay “as-is.” Low and behold, those people in leadership roles soon left the organization (thank heavens to betsy), leaders came in that supported individuality and not the “everyone wear khakis and blue button-downs” kind of environment. I was seen as the fun guy with the bright colored shirts and argyle socks that matched accordingly. People looked past my clothing. Actually, they looked directly at it and appreciated the difference in the workplace.

What I really want to say when people get on their high horse about “dressing for the position you want.”

“My cute Saks pinstripe shorts with loafers and a Brooklyn Industries short sleeve button-down look better than your out-dated pair of pleated khakis, a blue button-down and penny loafers with those damn tassels. Hands down. Any day. Try and argue it! Yes, both are within the policy. But I don’t create barriers to your growth by what you wear. And frankly, while I may have a personal opinion about what you wear, I could care less.”

My personal philosophy on dressing for success.

I dress for the culture of the business I am working in. If I see that the greater population of our workforce is wearing jeans and a t-shirt to work, guess what I am going to wear? Why? Because I personally believe that makes me more relatable. The historical HR profession has had the “sit across the desk from you” mentality during discussions and disciplinary action. “Come in to my office and shut the door; we have something to talk about…” Why not change our way of thinking and create a “sit next to you” mentality. And that is on all levels, including the way we dress. If I was in a lineup of employees, I don’t want to be picked out as the HR guy who dresses above everyone. I want to blend in and allow them to know and understand that I am a normal guy (and employee) just like they are. As we strive for this strategic partnership, why is our clothing left out of the equation? My work speaks for itself. I have a proven track record of success and I have never had to sacrifice my philosophy of “dressing for the culture” versus dressing above it. I should note that our profession is changing… we have amazing transformational leaders in a lot of organizations working on such initiatives. It’s happening globally, but just not enough in my opinion.

I was recently a part of a multi-generational panel of speakers here in Portland at a strategic HR conference. We were asked as part of our opening to relay one perception that our generation often feels about the generation preceding us. My comment as a Millennial during that introduction was that we often hear “dress for the position you want, not the one you have.” In my opinion, if the position you want is in the same organization, it’s an irrelevant point. Why should my work not speak for itself? Again the response I often receive is, “Because it’s just that way. Executive leaders want to know you are serious about the opportunity and you need to show good face and set an example.” – Suit and tie does not equal good face or positive performance people!! There are plenty of coworkers whom I have encountered over my time that b.s. their way through promotion after promotion by showing good face. They are the person you find yourself talking to your cube mate about… “What do they actually do? No one really knows…” – I don’t really care about your face… I care about the work you accomplish. When it comes time for your next opportunity, I am going to look at what you contribute to our top and bottom line, and how those results impact your team and the organization as a whole.

Now, I didn’t say all of this verbatim during the panel on generations. But I did clarify that I dress for the culture because I believe my performance should speak for itself. My performance does speak for itself. I am living proof that it can be this way. And although many antagonists and close-minded people I encounter often inform me that my passion and spark for change will eventually die, I can guarantee you, it will not. In 20 years, I hope I am the leading face for change and can write my book on how HR leaders can initiate and influence change by being themselves. One day at a time. One person at a time. The larger the wave grows, we will transform our HR culture and profession in a way that some of us are already imagining.

 Your take-away.

Stop telling your people to dress for the position they want. Tell them to dress for the culture and policy and what makes them comfortable within that. Support it! Support your work culture and environment. Step outside of your own comfort zone and try something new…you just might like it. And if wearing outdated, pleated khakis and penny loafers with tassels makes you the most comfortable, I am genuinely happy for you and am glad you found the clothing that makes you most comfortable while at work.

And as I was driving home from my spin class with a friend of mine this evening, we were chatting about this topic. The disclaimer to all of this: Dress up for your interview! No, jeans aren’t appropriate. From a recruitment standpoint, make yourself known during the interview process by presenting a slightly more polished self than maybe is usual.

 

 

• The “Old” HR person
• Personal Branding
• Development
• Generations in the Workplace
• Culture
• Dress for Success
• Social Media
• Recruiting Gen Y/Millennials