One of my previous functions was partnering with leaders managing over 3,000 employees across 23 States in the lower 48 on employee relations issues. With a territory that large, the juicy stories are an overabundance like grapes during wine harvest (I love wine). Relevant to Facebook (“FB”), I would receive calls all of the time about XYZ calling out sick yet their FB page showed them partying at the beach all day. Every manager has received the call “*cough*…I’m sick… I can’t come in to work…” We all deal with the extravaganza that is social media. So what do you do when you are friends with your employees on FB and you see them being a bit wild on the weekend? Does it really matter that you saw such things? When does it become a problem in the workplace? Let’s explore this together…

My philosophy on social media.

My philosophy of social transparency evolves from a former boss (GenX) that asked to be my friend on FB. He appreciates being connected with coworkers as it allows him to know his people on a deeper level. He also set the expectation that what happened outside of work is completely separate from the day-to-day in the office. Yes, we interacted online, but at the end of the day, he was my boss and I was his direct report. I have been lucky to have many bosses who have supported this line of thinking.

I carefully choose who I connect with, but I don’t believe in keeping personal life and work totally separate. Am I going to be friends on FB with the office tattle-tale or gossip queen? No! But I do believe connecting with people on social media outlets helps to create a more transparent relationship to the employees I support. My mentor loves bringing this up with me because he (as a professor) is very adamant that he will not be FB friends with a student until they have graduated. It’s his social code that he sticks to no matter what. Other Generation X or Millennial friends of mine don’t even have FB. I however, love the social transparency.

While defining my personal brand (ongoing journey, btw – see future blog post about this), I made a choice that social transparency allows people to see “Doug” beyond the four walls of my workplace. I want people to relate to me, and I am ok with the people I work with knowing more about me. And… it’s a matter of communicating expectation.

With a “friendship” connection, there is a communicated mutual understanding that FB is personal. And they are welcome to step in to that realm of my life, but it cannot filter negatively in to the workplace. I say this with the caveat that this personal philosophy of being socially transparent has most definitely evolved over the past several years. It hasn’t come without hardship. Lessons of posting on FB on my own personal time and being reprimanded at work in an unbelievable fashion (no company policies broken in any way). Ask for more details if you’d like offline. Because of this lesson though, I questioned for a long time whether I would delete all my coworkers and keep my personal life completely separate. Maybe I am just that stubborn or I really want to prove a point that it can be done…so I didn’t delete my coworkers. I stuck to what I felt was right – to continue being myself in a transparent way.

Twerk It.

I will happily be the example of social transparency – take twerking for example. I am not very good at twerking but in times of celebration, I do it anyway.

(Caption: No, that’s not my underwear showing, they are my man Spanx. Yes, men wear Spanx, too! The identity of my friend shall remain protected.)

A lot of people may raise concern with a picture of this nature seen on my FB page. They may be concerned about my level of professionalism or not representing myself in an appropriate way even though it’s on my own time. The answer: If you don’t like seeing it, “unfriend” me. At the end of the day, we are coworkers and social transparency isn’t necessary for us to work well together. No hard feelings.

If only “unfriending” was so easy, right? People ask, “why?” Or maybe they triangulate to avoid confrontation. People’s feelings become hurt when there is a perceived negative change to their social construct (I should go for my PhD and write my dissertation on this). Furthermore, the lines of work and personal life begin to cross as conflict arises. It takes practice, but respectful communication about such topics like “unfriending” can occur without such demise to working relationships.

And, I can still perform when I get to the office on Monday. Would you not hire me as a result of googling my name, searching my profile and finding that picture? I feel sorry for your hiring decisions if so. You’d be missing out! Can you judge my work performance based on that picture in any way? You could probably assume, but we all know what people say about assuming… “It makes an a…” yeah, you get it.

As the picture above indicates, I like to have fun. And I’m alright with people I work with having exposure to it! I am true to form. I make my coworkers hysterical by quizzing them on stupid movie quotes, singing obnoxiously, and saying random things that have them questioning my sanity at times! With my close friends I have an extremely “liberal” sense of humor that would make most HR people’s back hair rise to a repulsing frenzy inside the workplace.

Other people may make posts with funny faces, booty shakes, politics, religion, or marriage equality. All of those things could be perceived as misrepresenting a company based on organizational values, or even misrepresenting one’s personal brand. But why would you allow those personal posts to interfere with work? They have no place there. No laws or workplace confidentiality broken, defamatory actions, or discrimination here people! When I am on my own time, I represent myself according to my personal brand. And if twerking happens to be an implied part of that brand, then I will gladly be a keynote speaker at the next SHRM conference entering the stage twerking upside-down. I bet you $100 I would get a standing ovation, and not a reprimand. Gosh that would be my dream come true!! Speaking of SHRM – try watching hundreds of HR professionals throw their bras on stage during the 80’s cover band performance and not placing judgment on that. It happens! Yes, HR people are probably the dirtiest of them all! We put on our “pc” hats at work, but watch out at 5pm!

Your argument.

What if you fire someone you are friend’s with on FB? — First off…HR doesn’t fire. We consult managers and set them up for success to fire their own employees. You’d actually be surprised by how many of you out there still have your jobs because we (as your beloved HR people) steer your manager in a different direction to support your development and success. — Well, terminating someone’s employment may make it a bit harder personally because I am socially connected to them. You have to be self-aware and recognize that feeling. It then becomes a matter of objectivity and separating what happens inside and outside of work. Am I getting drunk with the person on Sunday and then firing them on Monday? Heck no. There are boundaries, and each person sets their own. As HR professionals we pride ourselves on being objective. So why don’t we allow ourselves the same right to interact socially as everyone else (unless your fraternization policy forbids it…so stupid in my opinion)?

“As an employee of our company, you represent our brand. As a professional, you represent yourself.”

We have all heard it! When I am at work, in my company gear, at a company event, or on company time, I represent my company. When I am at Voicebox Karaoke at 11pm on a weekend night, I am not representing my company. That picture does not speak negatively to my judgment, character, and ability to perform, or ability to represent my company. And if you don’t like seeing it, I promise that I won’t be offended if you unfriend me.

Your take-away.

So, what do you do when someone is having performance, conduct, or attendance issues at work and your connection on FB lends to maybe why they are having those issues? Focus on the work issue. Don’t filter what you know outside of the workplace, in. Be objective in that regard. It’s your job! Coach and mentor your line managers to do the same. I don’t care that they may be out until 2:00am getting wild with their friends as long as they are at work on time, perform well, and are engaged.

As professionals, you have to make a choice that makes the most sense for you…Do you want to open the door to knowing more about your people on a socially transparent level and them knowing more about you? I choose to and thrive in that space. Define what social transparency means to you! Set boundaries. Don’t limit others by your own personal views. Don’t triangulate. Stop making policies about how people act outside of work. Maybe, just maybe…try standing upside-down and twerk.