Why you leave.

We have all heard or learned that one of the number one reasons people leave their job is because of their relationship (or lack thereof) with their boss. ..You aren’t getting the feedback you need, the professional development opportunities you need, or are simply just ready for the next adventure. Or, your boss is just dreadful – I am sorry for those who have experienced this. Other reasons may be lack of stability, compensation, or lack of respect.

How you leave.

Why do we wait until we are unhappy to leave our jobs? Why do we wait until “our boss or function of our job isn’t giving us what we need” to begin looking for the next opportunity. The majority of the time, people recognize their readiness, begin looking for the next opportunity, interview, accept the new job, and then give their two weeks’ notice. It’s a stressful time for you, and becomes a stressful time for your company as they now have to scatter to find your replacement in two weeks…and anyone who has recruited or been involved in hiring knows that the right candidate seldom comes along in 10 working days. As an HR professional, peer, and leader within an organization, I find this “traditional” method kind of preposterous. It’s sad that societal norms and old-school patriarchal or hierarchical ways (whatever you want to stake claim to) have taught us to not be open and transparent with one another.

My question to you: Why does it have to be that way?

Method to the madness.

1. From day one, set yourself up for success. Day one is not your first day of work. Day one is your first interview with your future boss. Remember, you are interviewing them just as much as they are interviewing you. You have to feel confident that they are going to help support your professional growth and provide you with something out of the deal as well! It’s ok to be a bit selfish in this area. Ask the tough questions without sounding cocky. If you determine that this potential future boss may not meet your needs as a leader, I would seriously reconsider why you are applying for the job. Unless you live to work… then you may feel completely fulfilled in the function and not need these steps at all.
   1. Can you tell me about your leadership style and what you value in taking your teams to the next level?
   2. What is your approach to high stress situations?
   3. Can you tell me how you have helped people succeed in their careers?
   4. How can you see me growing within the organization?
   5. What is your communication style with your direct reports?
   6. How often do you have regular 1:1s?

All of these questions can help you determine if the person you would potentially be working for is the right boss for you. Remember, everyone has different needs and it is a very personal decision. Just remember to take the time and figure out for yourself if you will feel supported prior to accepting the job. No amount of money will drive me to accept an offer if I don’t feel that my future boss will support me in my growth and “when times get tough” at work.

2. If I am feeling dissatisfied with the work, I have the straight-talk conversation with my boss letting them know I am unhappy. It’s not only the right thing to do, in my opinion, but it opens the door to the conversation about what “can be” pertaining to the function of my work. It also provides your leader an opportunity for feedback and potentially course correct given they may not be aware of how their actions may be contributing to your disengagement. Together, you can strategize ways to meet business demands and increase your engagement through new opportunities at work. Sometimes this is illustrated as a stretch assignment, job shadowing, or actually shifting the responsibility of what you do in your function. Depending on business need, it can come to fruition in a variety of ways.

We all have tasks that we don’t like to do, and I am not referring to those. Sometimes we just have to suck that up and go with the flow. I am referring to that disheartening feeling of not feeling fulfilled in the work you do each day… that’s when I will begin having the conversation with my boss. It’s deeper than just the day-to-day function, but actually what I am gaining from my working experience. I am a believer in working to live; not living to work (Generation Y at your service!), and I want to feel fulfilled and engaged in what I am doing given my work is a huge part of my life.

3. If I have communicated my feelings and have tried to overcome those obstacles and still am not feeling fulfilled, then it may be time to consider evaluating what this job really means to me long term. Is this the right fit? Is staying adding to my toolbox to set me up for success in my next job or am I settling for personal mediocrity.

I am always thinking ahead… What can I add to my skillset here to get me to my next level, while at the same time, contributing to bettering the organization and general workforce that I support? That question is ALWAYS top of mind for me.

This is the place when people will usually come to the fork in the road. Do I tell my boss I am going to begin looking for other work, or do I go look for other work, find a job, and then give my notice? (Side note: It can also be based on industry…many competitive industries may shut you down or terminate your employment effective immediately if you begin looking elsewhere given confidentiality agreements so you need to know what is supported at your organization. But nonetheless, you should still feel supported in having transparent dialogue with your boss about your engagement level.)

4. I choose to tell my boss prior to interviewing at another company, and always have. And I have been extremely lucky to have bosses that have supported my professional journey. But I have also set myself up for success by succeeding at Steps 1 through 3 listed above. It is a part of my value system and though it has caused anxiety at times, it has always paid off.

I can’t personally support leaving a company, a team, and my work without knowing I have done everything in my power to see a shift. If the shift never comes or the role isn’t the right one for me, I know it is time to begin looking. But I open the door with my boss!! If you think my outlook is unconventional, ask yourself why you think that way. – Why is it so weird that you would actually want to have a transparent conversation with your boss about your happiness? Why would you leave your workplace in a bind if you don’t have to? Why can’t we challenge ourselves to support something new and live the change we want to see?

I also want to clarify…the steps above can also be used when you are recognizing that you are ready for the next step in your career. You don’t have to be disengaged or unfulfilled. Maybe you have developed the necessary competencies in your current role to support a promotion to something new. Often times this can be an external job. Your leader’s role at this point is hopefully proactively recognize this and try to retain you (if you’re worth it…you know you are), but if business need doesn’t support that promotion or new role, they should be aiding in your respectful and positive exit of the company. It can, and has, been done. I truly believe it is all about setting the tone for your relationship with your boss from day one.

Your take-away.

You own your own engagement, not your boss. You must come to the table with solutions to your professional growth and cannot rely solely on your boss, or other constituents in the company, to come up with the answers for you. Regardless of how often you have performance reviews throughout the year, drive those conversations in your 1:1s. If your boss doesn’t set them up, you do it. Educate your leaders why it’s important that you have these types of conversations. Help them understand your larger career objectives so they can support you on that journey. If they don’t…reconsider! If they do, hug them, or cry a little with happiness when you get back to your desk… because so many people out there don’t feel supported by their leaders or organizations. So many people stay in positions they dislike because they need to put food on the table. It genuinely saddens me when people say this… take control over your work life. Be transparent. Have the dialogue. You’re in the driver’s seat to your own success!

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” – Robbin Williams (You can change your personal world, too…)